2012 – 2019 (Ignorance Leads to Abstinence)
During my high school years in a boarding school, the prospect of engaging in dating-like activities seemed distant, especially given that I was a staff’s child.
The expectation was for me to steer clear of such endeavours.
The fear of tarnishing my mother’s reputation, coupled with my innate obedience, ensured that my dating life was virtually non-existent.
Reflecting on those years, I have no regrets.
My singular focus on badminton, Model United Nations (MUNs), and academics sculpted the person I am today.
By eschewing distractions like girls and phones, I lived a life I am genuinely proud of.
While maintaining this distance from the dating realm, I must admit it wasn’t necessarily the right approach for me.
Ideally, having awareness about dating and then choosing to keep a measured distance would have been a more thoughtful strategy.
However, my detachment from dating during those years was largely due to ignorance.
Regardless, those days were undeniably great, albeit somewhat incomplete, solely because of my ignorance.
2019 – 2022 (Naiveness)
As I stepped into college, the realization dawned that living a life of ignorance, especially when it came to dating, was far from ideal.
It was time to shed the cocoon of naivety and start understanding how dating interweaves with the kind of life I aspire to lead.
The awakening coincided with my first serious crush, a whirlwind of butterflies and anticipation.
Then, the unforeseen disruptor—COVID. Surprisingly, the pandemic brought us closer.
But the narrative took a sharp turn when she started dating my long-time “friend” from high school, who also happened to be my roommate.
It was a heartbreak every young man needs, they say.
Times were tough, and my mental health took a hit, but it was the red pill that came to the rescue.
The aftermath of the heartbreak left me with shattered confidence, making it challenging to see myself as attractive, let alone through the eyes of others.
A pathetic situation, perhaps, but a necessary one.
Now, it was time to take matters into my own hands.
2022 (Revenge time)
Embarking on my first job in the vibrant city of Mumbai, I decided it was high time to leave the past behind.
The red pill had enveloped me from head to toe, and I was ready for a transformation.
Enter the era of looksmaxing, gyming, cold approaching hot women, and embracing cold showers – this became my new approach to life.
Driven by the need to compensate for the near-zero romantic interest I’d experienced in the past two decades, I dove headfirst into the journey.
From my first cold approach to confidently asking women out, I was building not just a dating mindset but also an abundance mindset in life.
“Chatees aayengi, chatees jaayengi” became my mantra because, in the dating world, it’s a numbers game.
I learned early on not to fall for the trap of fixating on just one person – a valuable lesson and the first of the two dating mistakes I had made.
Yet, as I delved deeper into the dating realm, a shift occurred.
Alongside the practicalities of numbers, I started to grasp the spiritual aspect of it all.
Understanding the significance of having a romantic partner who stands by your side as you build your empire and raise a family was a beautiful revelation.
It was no longer just about being a casanova, focused on maximizing my sexual market value. Instead, it was time to adopt a more pragmatic and meaningful approach to dating.
A shift from conquests to building connections that resonated with the deeper aspects of life – a pursuit aligned with Purushartha, one of life’s essential objectives.
2023 (Finding the one)
“Date to marry” became more than just a catchy phrase; it evolved into my guiding philosophy, a principle that shape my approach to relationships as of today.
Time is my most precious asset. My work, my family and above all my God are the only things that deserve my time.
If I was to truly let someone else gain access to my extremely valuable time and attention, it should be for the greater good (long-term companionship) and not a summer fling.
So it started, my search for someone worth my time – too difficult a task in this lust-filled world influenced by soft porn on Twitter, Instagram and TikTok that fries your neuro receptors and turns you into an insensitive zombie.
Amidst the noise, I encountered individuals possessing rare qualities, and in those connections, I glimpsed the true meaning of being in a relationship.
Relationships are tough. Too much effort.
My mom, a voice of wisdom, echoed the sentiment that investing time in relationships was worthwhile, given that your partner would likely become the person with whom you spend the majority of your time.
Well said.
This decision of choosing the right partner became even more crucial and the cost of choosing the wrong partner became even more huge.
On the path of finding my partner, I found true knowledge and self-introspection.
2024 (Wisdom leads to Abstinence)
My journey, which I whimsically dub my “villainic” arc, found its roots in the rejection from my crush, who chose my high school friend and roommate as her romantic partner.
Admittedly, much of my motivation for seeking a romantic partner stemmed from the desire to become what my crush failed to see in me.
However, as my understanding of the importance of having a life partner deepened, a shift occurred. I now find myself at a juncture where I believe it’s not the right time to pursue a romantic relationship.
Hindu scriptures delineate four Aśramas (stages) of life, the first being Brahmacharya, representing the period from birth to 25.
This stage emphasizes education and entails the practice of celibacy.
It involves acquiring knowledge in science, philosophy, scriptures, and logic, practicing self-discipline, earning dakshina to be paid to the guru (parents), and learning to live a life of Dharma (righteousness, morals, duties).
Only after this stage does one progress to Grhastha Jivan, the stage of married life, encompassing the responsibilities of maintaining a household, raising a family, and leading a family-centered and dharmic social life.
I sense that I might be rushing into Grhastha Jivan without fully fulfilling my duties as a Brahmachari.
This is a time for me to learn and educate myself on life matters from my gurus, including my parents, and offer them dakshana.
While the Grihastha stage excites me, I recognize the importance of truly experiencing Brahmacharya and reaping the benefits of virya before taking that significant step.
It’s a phase of wisdom leading to a temporary abstinence, a conscious choice to embrace the teachings of life before venturing into the responsibilities of a household.
The full circle
As I reflect, life has completed its full circle.
In high school, I maintained a distance from dating, driven by involuntary ignorance.
Now, my perspective has shifted, and I choose to keep my distance from dating out of voluntary wisdom.
Life is beautiful and there is so much to learn.
There’s no need to rush; my time on this earth is ample. I intend to navigate each stage with the fullest of hearts and the purest of intentions.
I find myself hoping to reconnect with the vigor of the younger high school Kashish, whose achievements still stir a hint of jealousy within me. It’s a testament to the growth, the evolution, and the richness that life has to offer.
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